


only know your lover when you let her go;

by bloodynargles



Series: au? au. [6]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: ..read, F/M, Gen, JUST, ahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahhahahaahahahahahahahaaaaaaa, dont take the major character death seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3115607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodynargles/pseuds/bloodynargles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Home is long gone, in a scrap heap that belongs to the UNSC, in her sister's smile or North's eyes. Its all gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	only know your lover when you let her go;

**Author's Note:**

> let her go {jasmine thompson}

She had gotten past this, the screaming of dying men, the laugh of a dead one. Had _moved on_. She hid, for little while, they weren't after her but the director was unpredictable, it was almost what made the program a death trap. Other than the AI and all of those things that used to be classified and now aren't but she still doesn't like to talk about them. Wants to run as far away from freelancer as possible, and yet she's still here. Works a desk job, now. Less high stakes, more domestic- a monotone life, the same routine every day. Its almost soothing. Except there's a _silence_ , a couple of moments a day when his voice seeps into her mind, his touch ghosts over her skin and she longs to be back there, just for a little while.

 

The military ignores that part of her life, and so does she, its not something she wants to relieve, not even the happier times when she could see herself in her sister. Mex is gone now, too. Had seen Niner a while back, they had both walked past each other- she supposed _she_ was the one that looked like her twin.

 

There's moments when she's staring into a crowd and she can see their faces among the laughing people, those commuting to work, to school or anywhere at all. Seconds where she looks up to greet people at reception and their blonde hair takes her breath away, catches her off guard and she wants to sway and run for the hills but this was her _job_ now. The woman with red hair that works on the floor above, or the mail man with a british accent. Sometimes she hears Flowers' cheerful voice in her head, or the odd mumble of an AI that isn't there any more. She walks home every day with her eyes practically closed because one day she'll see him in the crowd, in the face of another and she will break. Fall apart because its been so _long_ , so very long and she knows where he really is, ashes floating in orbit of another planet entirely.

 

Her house is a bedroom and her bedroom is bare, no trinkets, no pictures or things to make it a home. Just four walls painted a beige colour down to a wooden floor that balances a bed neatly on top of it. Home is long gone, in a scrap heap that belongs to the UNSC, in her sister's smile or North's eyes. Its all _gone_.

 

The wind blows her hair across her face as she walks along, the setting sun barely dipping beyond the horizon and casting an orange glow over the sky. The streets are bleak, the busy bustle of the afternoon having taken all the people away, back to their comfortable homes, back to their _families_. She doesn't have any of that, and while she tries to forget everything she was taught in freelancer, her instincts never change. The man gets up off of a bench to follow after her once she walks past and she didn't really take notice of his face, no striking feature or flaw. Maybe her thoughts were somewhere else, with _someone_ else. His strides are longer than hers, dwarf her attempts to get away in a matter of steps. Turns a corner sharply, knows that this wouldn't end well for her if she ran, even if she wasn't in heels. The footsteps behind her seem to slow, as if he's noticed she's running- swears she hears a soft sigh, but it doesn't make _sense_. At some point she turns to confront him, but there's no one there and she's a block further away from her apartment.

 

There's no fear, not anymore. Its a numb sensation, like freelancer pulled it all out of her and she's never going to get it back. Its a vague recognition for the adrenaline that would flow if she was still young, still happy and with people that _cared_. Still protected by a turquoise suit, sometimes it was red, still running from her childhood with the one she was always going to protect, not looking for a family but finding one anyway and then having it ripped from her like candy from a naive child who still believed in fairytales and happy ever afters.

 

Gets to her door and locks it, remembering something York had said a long time ago, her brick built walls tumbling and decaying into rocks. North's expression at his friend's comment flashes through her mind and she wants to throw up, to curl up in a corner or go and pick a fight. Not that Arizona, anymore. Not Arizona at all. She makes it to the kitchen when a knock sounds at the door, and considers letting them tire, but they probably saw her just arrive, so she hauls her way to the door, a fake smile setting in the corners of her lips as she composes herself. Turquoise eyes look up to blonde hair hidden under a hoodie and a half assed, joyless smile on his face. “You ran, so..” The fake falters and she reaches up to run a finger across a scar peeking out from his hair, apparently having lost all control of herself. “You're dead.” It comes out under her breath, and his blue irises seek out hers, his hand pulling her own away from his forehead to bring it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her palm. “They lied.” “They always do.”

She pulls him in, stepping back so that they wouldn't fall, her heel catching on her umbrella which was propped up near the door. Uses her other foot to flick them off, hearing North pull the door shut with a free hand before she looks up to see him in the light, pushing his hood from his face. “God, you look like shit.” He laughs, and Arie hopes to god she isn't dreaming or hallucinating while in a hospitalized state. “What do you expect me to say? Its been four and a half years, North.” “I know.” He chokes out between laughs, leaning down to press his lips to her cheek, breath tickling her skin as he lingers. “I was expecting something worse, to be honest.” His voice is hushed, the words barely finding her ears before the silence set in, and she sighs, tugging the zip down on his hoodie, revealing a cheap flannel shirt underneath. “-was neater than your massacre. Had therapy to help build walls and try to fill the gap.” “Did it work?” “A little. I _am_ a functioning adult, now.” “That's a plus.” She runs her hands across his shoulders, carefully avoiding the back of his neck, she was a pro at that, now. He sighs into the crook of her neck, his muscles relaxing and arms encircling her waist. “I missed you.” His eyelashes flutter against her skin and she melts into him, tired eyes closing as she returned the hug. “I love you.” There it is, words that were never spoken and should have been. He doesn't tense, but looks up at her, eyes level with her own, now, forehead touching hers and he _smiles_. For a second she forgets that the world really does move when hers stops, but then remembers something. “I was supposed to get butter when I walked home. Goddamnit, North.” She pulls away from him to slip her feet back into her shoes, and he watches her with bright eyes, “Is this because I followed you?” “Yes. Get a shower or something, for the love of god.” Opens the door and is half way out before he speaks again, “Arie.” “Hmm?” She absently looks back to him, a content feeling settling over the both of them. “I love you, too.” “I know, asshole.” Sticks her tongue out before she closes the door, his laugh light in her ears as she does. Didn't need trinkets to make a house a home, just maybe needed North. God, that sounded mushy and domestic.

 

**Author's Note:**

> see? nothing to worry about. sigh


End file.
